Hold On to Equanimity-- For your own sake!

We confront furor almost every other day and yet even after years of experience we still fail to dispel our impulsive retorts and the burning desire to snap back harshly. While some people consider this demonstration of furious response as the true mark of deference, I’ve learned that true leaders always handle awry situations with empathy and composure. Besides, your momentary backlash will only yield stopgap satisfaction while the resulted regret and culpability are not going anywhere. So a sensible act would be to focus on the bigger picture instead of behaving like juveniles. And you’ll realize that handling the situation cool-mindedly will always bring favorable results. So you have two choices; either to snap angrily and make things more amalgamated (for which no medal would be awarded) or to hold your reflexive thoughts back just for a while and tackle the situation more prudently.  

 

Now if you have decided to stick to the first option you can discontinue reading right away otherwise we can explore firsthand ideas to get rid of our nasty and useless anger demos. I strongly believe that it’s so hard to suppress the outburst when someone assigns you another task in office while you’ve already been stretched to your last extent; with piles of files and approaching deadlines. Or whenever you come home weary and a family member provokes you with irrelevant grouses and even ‘invites’ you to have a fair skirmish. If you come across any such situation where insolence becomes almost imperative and you find no other way than to yell at the other person…follow a simple trick. Close your eyes and in your mind shout aloud “CUT!!!” just like a director who bellows “Cut!!!” to end a scene. But beware of shouting it literally cuz that would only give an impression that you’re stressed and don’t ever give other person a clue about your rage. 

Then open your eyes and try to laugh (or at least chuckle) if you can think of a joke; do go for it even share it with everyone around you. And in the end don’t forget to sizzle it with your laughter. If you’re thinking that you’d rather prefer not to try it then you’re missing a crucial element of better social contacts and even personal relationships. First try to implement it in personal life and after few initial hiccups you’ll notice how surprisingly the situation can turn jovial with this practice. Once your levity lifts the agonizing anger from the scene (and especially from your head) you can then turn to business and explain your concerns to the other party in a more rational manner. Try to describe what bothers you about something and listen to their consternation and everything will work out fine. 

 

I sometimes think why we can’t practice this in serious business environment or in negotiations with clients? May be we’re all so tamed by the solemn professional environment and don’t ever dare to change a thing. But we all come across such scenarios in B-life where matters turn sour and go out of control. I duly believe that, if handled cheerfully, you can always turn the table in your favor. All you need is a ‘working’ brain and a little self-control.

So do give it a try and start with your personal affairs and implement this cheery plan on your friendship and inter-peers ties. Some friendly suggestions to make this plan work:

Tips:

1)      Say ‘Cut!’ ONLY in your head

2)      Before telling the joke; try to create a suitable condition with a friendly note. For instance: if stuck in a tumult during brainstorming session try this: “Awesome! You’ve broached such a valid issue. You remind me of my class mate in college whenever (s)he used to….. ”

3)      The joke must be relevant to the current situation or at least try to make it relevant by personalizing it (describing it as if it’s your personal experience) The other option is to select an entirely discrete and quirky joke (that would at least ensure silence for few seconds because everyone would be trying to figure out the connection)

4)      Be very clear about the difference between a genial person and a clown. The anger management tip must be practiced sporadically only otherwise you’ll earn yourself a fair reputation of a clown.

Anger management and equanimity is not only to prove that you’re a nice happy chap rather a systematic approach towards anger control can untangle situations and connections quite smoothly. The secret is to use it shrewdly.